Mack Nez Johnson, Jr.

CultureShockCamp

RedNations

Malyssa - Dance music diva

Bongo

Janet Campbell Hale

Dora Lee in Love - Janet Campbell Hale

Sherman Alexie

Sherman Alexie short story

Modern American Poetry - Sherman Alexie

Dear John Wayne - Sherman Alexie

chimEra

saaniidotcom

Etc.etc.

NDN Legal Services

Indian Inside - PC Financing For Native America

Cultural Healers

United Nations - my obsession with freedom.  If this link is broken, read the document in my Freedom page....

United Nations - Permanent Forum on Indigenous Issues

Social/Economic Impacts of NDN Casinos

Students & Teachers against Racism

Council on Spiritual Practices

Navajo Code Talkers

alln8tive.com

Olderindians.org

slabearkazad.com

HOTT

News for the Soul

Embraced by the Light

Cosmic Laws

Justice for Kurt

Cobain Case

Ironhouse

The Disclosure Project

Please Understand Me: An online personality test.
Keirsey Character Sorter
Keirsey Temperament Sorter
In my discovery for my inner nerd, I found out through this site that I am an ENTJ....

Somebody Blew Up America

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An Indian, walking through a field, sees a man using his hand as a scoopto drink water from a pond.

The Indian calls out to the man, "Na ol an t-uisce, ta sīlan de chacbo." (Translation: Don't drink that water. It's full of cowshit!)

The man shouts back, "I'm English! Can't you speak English! Are you completely ignorant, you asshole?!"

The Indian calls back, "Use both hands. You'll get more."

***********

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." ?

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what You say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house"

***********

Three elders, a Pawnee, an Otoe, and a Lakota, were sitting around at a Pow-Wow, visiting.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old Pawnee man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old Otoe. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old Lakota, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."

**********

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do,' said the doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

'Ralph, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

**********

Southern Thinking

Georgia :
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If ! I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

***************************************************************

Alabama:
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked..
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied."
You left Henry laying out t there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter.
"But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

***************************************************************

Louisiana:
A senior at Louisiana was overheard saying...
"When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
When asked why, he replied "he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

**************************************************************

Mississippi:
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?
"The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

**************************************************************

Tennessee :
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

**************************************************************

North Carolina :
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what theproblem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it either."

**********

A crusty old biker, with bugs in his teeth, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern
and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50

CHICKEN?SANDWICH?: $2.50

HAND JOB: $40.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and?beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers.

'Yes?' she inquires with a knowing smile, 'can I help you?

'I was wondering,' whispers the old biker, 'are you the young lady who?
gives the hand-jobs?'

'Yes,' she purrs, 'I am.'

The old biker replies, 'Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger.'

**********

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?'

'Ninety-eight.' she replied.

'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle,
faced the congregation, and said 'I outlived the bitches.'

**********
Jose and Carlos are panhandlers. They panhandle on different areas of town.
Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day.
Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose, 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?'.

Jose says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say?'

Carlos sign reads, 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support.'

Jose says, ' No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars.'

Carlos says, 'So what does your sign say?'

Jose shows Carlos his sign, it reads, 'I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico!

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Cartoons are Š each artist. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction prohibited.
Reproducing  the cartoons requires permission of the artist.  Same applies to poems & short stories.

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