| alpha version This site is created purely to humor myself, my friends, and people like us. It is meant to inform, to entertain, and perhaps to encourage the use of critical brain cells. It is not intended for those who are uptight, lack a sense of humor, or let others do their thinking for them. If that be you, read the disclaimer below before browsing any further, otherwise leave this site immediately. |
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An election is coming. Universal peace is declared and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. ~T.S. Eliot |
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First Americans for Obama
Cartoon and text by David Brown Eagle (AKA
Way Cool Dave) The cartoons and text are messages of the spirit of the coyote. Each cartoon is an example of the people and situations I have encountered as I have traveled in this world. The memories have given me the power to heal my pains and the footsteps have allowed me to travel forward with a happy heart. Developing the cartoons assists me in seeing my foibles, and allows my inner healing to continue. My own experiences, painful and joyous, allows me to share my life and laughter with others. David BrownEagle David provides consulting services, Sunrise Sunset Consulting, and provides training/ workshops in a variety of topic areas regarding alcohol/drug prevention, education, cultural, and family. He can be contacted at d.browneagle@comcast.net
The sick Lakota man was lying on his death bed. He had only hours to live when suddenly he smelled fry bread. He dearly loved fry bread more than anything else in the world, especially his wife Nelly's fry bread. With every last bit of the energy left in his mind and body, the terminally ill husband pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, down the hall, and into the kitchen. Here, his wife was removing the fresh batch of fry bread from the stove. As he reached for one of the freshly made fry breads, his wife smacked him in the back of the head with a wooden spoon, "Leave them alone! ....They're for the funeral!" *********** Three Native men were hiking through the woods when they came upon a large raging, violent river called... Missouri . Needing to get to the other side, the first Hunkpa'Pa guy prayed: 'Holy Man.., please give me the strength to cross the wash/river.' Poof!.....his Holy Man gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man from Lower Brule prayed: 'Shaman, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river' Poof!......the Shaman gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once. Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man, A Mnicoujou prayed: 'Wakan'Tanka' , please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river' Poof!.....The Mnicoujou Guy was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge. ********** One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose. 'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.' 'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?' 'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny. 'I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.' So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!' The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?' The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, 'Well, what kind of an animal am I?' The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, 'You're cold, you're slippery, and you haven't got any balls...You must be a POLITICIAN' ********** A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Ralphy. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little RALPHY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little RALPHY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking." ********** Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal posit ion, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'? He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken. ********** Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one." ********** MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you. If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever. If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up. This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care. Well, my job is done .....Your turn ********** A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night. He returned around 2:30 am , and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!" ********** Mexico Drops Out Of 2008 Summer Olympics President Felipe Calderon of Mexico has announced that Mexico will not participate in the Beijing Summer Olympics. He stated: "Casi cada uno que puede funcionar, saltar, o la nadada ha salido ya del pams." Translation: "Pretty much everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country! ********** A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?' : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : |
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All cartoons are displayed here with the permission of
the artists. Home | It's all about freedom | What Ev-a | 4Fun | DotRez University | Some nerdy shit | Disclaimer | Contact website by v la fh , ©2000 This site updated |
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mocassins 
